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WARNING: Strong satire and sarcasm ahead. Should any of this post offend you please feel free to ignore it (as well as the prophet Amos, parts of Isaiah, and 1 Corinthians 13 read in context). Should you feel that any part of this post is pointing directly at you please note: I haven’t used any names, that’s probably the Holy Spirit convicting you(!).
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So you’re a Christian guy. You’d admit that you’re not the most godly person in the world, heck, people probably wouldn’t use your name and the term ‘godly’ in the same sentence. Well, let’s be frank, you’re probably pretty immature in your spiritual walk (you might even be a non-Christian but let’s not get ahead of ourselves). This does not mean that you can’t get yourself a godly girl!
What are the benefits of getting into a relationship with a godly girl?
- She’s single but already practicing submissiveness in preparation for marriage (Ephesians 5:22)
- Her beauty and adorning are hidden, a heart of imperishable beauty (1 Peter 3:4), which means she’s not plastering make-up on or flirting with boys…
- Really godly girls have been ‘trained by older women to love their husbands and children’ (Titus 2:4)
- Furthermore, godly girls are ‘self-controlled’, ‘pure’, and ‘kind’! (Titus 2:5)
Do I need to convince you any further that finding a godly girl makes life so much more easier?
Now you’re probably wondering, ‘But I’m not a ‘godly guy’…so how can I get a girl like that?!’ Fear not, here are some expert tips that are sure to get the girl of your Christian dreams:
• Have a “passion for missions”. I don’t mean, ‘have a plan to become and/or support a missionary’. Having a “passion for missions” means that you’re really supportive of missions and other people going on missions. It helps if you’ve been on a short-term mission before. If you haven’t and you’re not keen on going some place and actually learning the culture, making new contacts, sharing testimonies and proclaiming the Gospel, try to pick a “mission trip” which can be described as little more than a holiday with a day or two helping to build a house or something (more points if it’s an orphanage). The key is to demonstrate a “passion” without needing to demonstrate any substance.
• Listen to ‘Reformed Rap’. It doesn’t matter that you don’t quite get the concepts being rapped about (like ‘Reformed’, or ‘Atonement’, or ‘Propitiation’), the fact that you’re not listening to Michael W. Smith gives you some extra masculinity points. And masculine men are very ‘in’ at the moment.
• Speaking of masculinity, drop the phrase, ‘I’m just trying to man up in this area’ into your conversations with your particular godly girl. It can demonstrate a desire for holiness without actually needing to change anything.
• Name drop guys you’re podcasting – especially the names ‘Mark Driscoll’, ‘John Piper’, and ‘Matt Chandler’. Like this, ‘I was listening to a Driscoll podcast the other day and it really spoke to me…’ When she asks you, ‘Oh – what did you learn?’, you can reply, ‘I really need to man up in my holiness.’
• Treat your godly girl like a princess. Take her out, pay for meals/movies/coffee, go for nice drives. Godly guys will always treat their girlfriends and wives in this way, but it’s something you can imitate without needing to be godly.
• Read the bible and pray together. Discipleship is sexy when it’s done between opposite genders. This one requires hard work, you might actually have to start reading your bible, but once you’re in you can start treating her like a princess (which takes up the time for bible reading and prayer together).
The goal: to demonstrate ‘potential’ rather than ‘actual growth’. Once you’re in it’s up to you. Tread carefully though as you may find her purity contagious.
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